The Vague "Weirdness" that is Asperger's Syndrome

[Melodie Robinson]

I was embarassed as a young mother when elderly woman at the grocery store would stop to oogle over my son and he would only stare at them. If they dared to pat his head or hand, he would launch into a tantrum that could bring the walls down. Abandoning my cart I would man-handle him out of the store while sustaining kicks to groin. All the while, I could see on-lookers shaking their heads and staring in arrogant disapproval. We would both cry all the way home, as I wondered how I was failing my child. I had no idea what would make him behave so badly. His pediatrician felt that he was developing normally and met all the usual standards for growth. He spoke, he rolled over, he walked, he crawled right around when he was supposed to. So, that only left one person to blame. Me.
When he was in preschool I began to receive notes that he would melt down, he was very inflexible to change, and he always had to have the blue marbles. When the marble game was taken out of the classroom because he was too "obsessed", he had to have the blue drum sticks, or the blue car. When his strict kindergarten teacher decided she wouldn't accept a child who always had to have things his way, he stopped eating and often ran from the classroom sobbing.
Now, as an eight year old, there is only one way to kick a football. There is only one way to drive to school. I have been asked about getting a yoyo, told how yoyos work, how much they cost, and where to buy them repeatedly ever since a school assembly that featured yoyo tricks. In between our yoyo talks, he is in his room obsessively counting the change in his piggy bank to see if he has the $6 to pay for a yoyo.
Finally diagnosed last year after repeated visits to doctors, psychiatrists, and pschologists, I'm understanding why he thinks and reacts the way he does. What a relief to know that he wasn't just being defiant, as one psychologist told me. And, what a relief not to be blown off, like the public school system had done.
I think the most difficult part of Asperger's Syndrome is that my son looks normal. A few minutes around him makes him seem like any other eight year old. Even his own estranged father commented, after not seeing him for several years, on how "normal" he seemed during a visitation at the zoo. Of course we had mentally prepared Isaac for the event for weeks ahead of time. No surprises. My life revolves around making sure there are no surprises. But, then a social situation happens that he hasn't prepared himself for, and he doesn't react "normally". I made the mistake of surprising him with a trip to Knotts Berry Farm a few months ago. He thought it was a real berry farm and we were going to pick berries. When he saw it was an amusement park, he got so nervous he barely spoke the rest of the day and wouldn't ride any rides. He would get in line and then bolt when he made it to the front, screaming and crying. Incredibly sensitive and low on self-esteem, he either internalizes or says the most inappropriate things. He still has tantrums that put my two year old to shame. All of this from a child who would generally be described as extremely smart and eager to please.
That is why I think that Asperger's is so difficult to recognize and diagnose. It isn't blairingly obvious by looking at or even talking to a child. These children become labeled as weird, eccentric, defiant, or difficult. Those qualities are often in stark contrast with the entirety of their personality. This is at least my experience with this disability. I'm just one mother trying to understand and protect.

[Marcey E. Finn]

I'm right there with you Melodie. It is so vague, and yet not vague at all. I think only another Aspie mom can truly understand. They fall under that multi-colored autism umbrella, and yet their legs and arms stick right out in the rain! When Aiden was labeled as Oppositional Defiance Disorder I was floored. It couldn't be that, then right through the gambit of ADD, ADHD, PDD-NOS and finally, Asperger's but not until age 6 and a half. Now he's 8 and we're still fighting for services, still trying to figure it all out, and still trying to accept that we may never figure it out at all.
We're new to 4 paws. We just finished fundraising for an in-home companion dog, can't wait to see how this will change our lives. His life, his future. Because no matter how weird anyone else thinks he is, Aiden is my life. My full time job is preparing him for the future ahead, and my other full time job is praying he gets there.